Small talks, Snooze time

Hey guys,

If I am to be stuck in this store from now till sometime in the unforseeable future, I would need some form of entertainment and that’s why I came prepared with Novels, music, mobile movies/series on my phone or ipad but looks like the guy in the opposite store didn’t plan like me. Boo hoo! Ah Hah! He is walking this way. *Arrrrgh* Please, pass by. Don’t stop infront of me. Just keep walking *trying the powers of mind control but Alas! It chooses to fail me now*

Errrr. Is there ever electricity around here?, he said.

I wouldn’t know. I don’t exactly need it, I replied.

May I sit with you, I am quite bored.

If you are going to sit here, do not expect me to speak to you. I don’t like small talks, I said.

Ok, he replied. So, how long have you been here?

Is this kid deaf or what? First of all, he is in my personal space. Secondly, he looks like the kind of kid that asks questions like, Where are you from? I am from Pluto. What’s your business with what state I come from? Or, did you leave something behind the last time you stopped for a visit?

So, what’s your name?

Boy, turn around and march back the way you came from. I don’t have time for this. Seeing as I don’t intend to share small talks or become your conversation buddy, you might as well don’t bother.

What secondary school did you finish from?

Secondary school? What’s this kid talking about? I wonder how old he thinks I am. 19, maybe? Ah! He thinks I am 22. Apparently, he is 19. No wonder. And so on……

That was the 2nd most painful small talk I have ever been put through. The 1st most Painful would have to be at one of my closest pals, older brother’s wedding (#KToolz2014), which was on the 26th of Dec. It was some dude, I encountered at NYSC Camp when I was serving. I swear, as big as Lagos is, it is way too small for my comfort. It’s not as worse as Whatsapp or Facebook, though. Wait! Whatsapp has to be the worst thing that has ever happened to social media. So, back to the story….

It’s like I meet this guy at just about every gathering I decide to attend. If I didn’t know any better, I would think he was stalking me but I do know better. I hope *cringes* Not only was the conversation painful, dude kept showering me with saliva. There is nothing as disgusting especially when it’s someone you do everything to avoid. In trying not to un-man him, I was lady-like because I usually would have told him to back up and give me some space and also, to re-direct his saliva to the left. Dude also, had the guts to put his fingers in my gorgeous natural fro-locks.

*Natural sisters know we don’t let people, especially random peeps put their fingers in our hair*

Like, what the hell? N***a, back the Fuck up and keep your fingers to yourself before I bite ’em off. Geez! If I see this guy at the next party I go out to, I am sooooo relocating. Lol

Why people think, everybody and anybody is interested in small talks is beyond me. I don’t exactly have anything against small talks because I am a great conversationalist, just don’t ask me “Grade 1 questions” because from my facial expression, you should know that you are most definitely NOT welcomed. Now, if I smile with my teeth showing then, you probably did something right so, keep it up. Lol. Most people, especially, guys are just tactless when trying to start small talk with a stranger (girl) at a party or gathering.

Trust me, the best way to pick up conversation with a girl is to be smart with your choice of “start up topic” to base the beginning of your conversation around or, you could do what the web says, “Crack a joke” but errrrrr, this is Nigeria. Most of the time, that doesn’t help. Although, once in a while a bad joke could just be what you need to break the ice and start a conversation.   So, if you catch me at party and your A game is NOT on, don’t speak to me. Just be quiet and remain where you are. To the left of me….

Till next time

XOXO..